Queer Childhood, Christmas, and Shame: Bratz Convertible Car Edition
Does anyone remember the Bratz convertible Cadillac? Maybe some of you remember the white or the blue version. The white one was my favorite. It is the one I had as a kid. For many of you Queer kiddos (or straight, too), whether feminine or masculine, male, female, nonbinary, or whatever, you probably had some issues fitting in as a young’un. I know I did.
With Christmas coming up, there are things brought up in my therapy sessions like what it was like to be a Queer kid at Christmas. For one, I never wanted the toys that the boys my age wanted. You probably experienced something similar. For me, the most interesting and pretty toys were the ones that the girls in my class played with. I loved to play with Barbie dolls, Littlest Pet Shop, Bratz dolls, Tamigotchi, Polly Pocket, and all of the “girl” toys at McDonald’s. They were all so much more fun than the “boy toys.” They had pretty colors, elaborate outfits, and were just generally better than having a bunch of army men or something mean and toxic like the shit they wanted us boys to play with. The problem is the huge deal parents made and STILL make out of boys playing with pink toys. When parents bully their children into playing with gendered toys, the kids go to school and bully their peers that don’t conform to the gendered narrative. It is learned behavior that perpetuates shame.
I know this bullying and shame all too well. My parents allowed me to play with “girl” toys as a kid, but that didn’t help much when the majority of my life was spent at school. I spent many school days being told I looked like a girl, talked like a girl, and that I was too “girly” because I played with toys like Littlest Pet Shop or Bratz with my best friend. I got made fun of because my best friend was a girl. I got told that, since she’s a girl, we must play with “girl toys” at her house and that somehow made me a girl.
I am not the minority here. There are kids being bullied every single day because they are different. There are kids who will live with that shame for the rest of their lives and then have to live in a therapist’s office in order to survive.
I know for most Queer folks, you remember the safe spaces of your childhood. I do. For me, I was safe to be myself in the presence of my Nana, my Mamaw, at my best friend Kennedi’s house, and by myself. In those spaces, I could play with pink toys and talk the way I talked. I could play dress up as a feminine character and paint my fingernails. I could be free without the harsh judgement of what society said I was supposed to be.
As I mentioned earlier, one of my favorite toys (secretly) was my white Bratz Cadillac convertible. I didn’t share that with many people, though. Probably only Kennedi and my imaginary friends. Why was it a secret? Well, kids aren’t idiots. I knew that it was (for some odd reason) a big deal that I liked that toy. I was taught by the world that I was inherently flawed for enjoying my Bratz Cadillac. I was taught by the world that, because I enjoyed things that girls enjoyed, that I must have been abused or harassed as a kid. I was taught that, although I enjoyed these things, it was something I needed to fix. To be a boy was to play with “boy toys.”
“All the times I felt shame for playing with my Bratz Cadillac, I will never ever get back. All those kids that bullied me — I still remember all of your names. I still think of those moments when I see you in the grocery store, too.”
That harm doesn’t just disappear. I still, to this day, feel shame about certain gendered norms that I don’t conform to. All the times I felt shame for playing with my Bratz Cadillac, I will never ever get back. All those kids that bullied me — I still remember all of your names. I still think of those moments when I see you in the grocery store, too. Queer kids, like me, live with this shit for the rest of their lives.
It is no coincidence at all that LGBTQIA+ folks have high suicide rates.
Is this really the hill we want to die on as a society?
This Christmas, remember to give a big “fuck you” to gender norms. They cause lifelong harm as many of you know. To those who are different like me: I hope you can find safety and comfort in being yourself. I hope you, like me, end up finding peace playing with your Bratz Cadillac. You are inherently good and whole and blessed. Don’t change who you are.
To parents and allies: Let your children play with whatever damn toys they want to play with. In fact, encourage your children to go outside the bounds of the gendered toy section.
To everyone: think really hard about how you may be shaming someone — child or adult. They will carry that shame with them for a long, long time and they’ll never get the chance to relive that moment.
